What if the ‘Narcissist/Empath’ Dynamic is not about Good vs. Bad but a Mirror of Unhealed Parts within Both?

A few years ago, I saw myself as an empath; the one who feels deeply, gives endlessly, and attracts people who seem to take more than they give. It was easy to label and point fingers to the “narcissist” as the problem, but what if both parties were simply two sides of the same energetic coin?

The more I dove into learning nervous system healing and working with a psychotherapist, the more I began to see the pattern was not about labels…it was about survival responses. Two people subconsciously trying to get their needs met in different ways.

It took me years to finally choose myself. I kept over-giving and trying to be understanding, calm, and loving while the other person’s energy felt demanding, self-focused, and emotionally distant. I used to blame them for stonewalling and being controlling, but later I realized my over-giving was just another form of control…trying to earn love. We were both mirroring each other by seeking safety externally from ourselves.

When I stopped seeing the dynamic of “Good vs. Bad” and started seeing it as a mirror of two souls, two nervous systems in protection mode, things started to shift. It is not about who was right or wrong…it was about understanding what within me was attracted to that energy, and what within them was drawn to mine.

As I learned to go within myself, I was starting to meet my own needs for safety and worthiness. I was realizing I could not seek love outside of myself. When we stop playing the game, others stop showing up to roll the dice.

Every relationship, especially the difficult ones, reveals where we are still seeking wholeness outside of ourselves. The ‘empath’ and ‘narcissist’ both just want to be seen, loved, and safe.

Have you ever found yourself in a similar dynamic? If this resonates, take a deep breath in and ask yourself: “Where in my relationships am I giving or taking from fear rather than connection?”

With Love, Melissa xx